funny quotes, just fun

300 Trailer parody

the best parody for 300...

Terminator Parody

Terminator in Jesus...

harry potter

Did you asked how harry potter...

cactus and girlfriend

Jake: Sir, this cactus was sent by your girlfriend just now. David: We quarreled with each other yesterday. Maybe she wants to say sorry to me. Jake: Here is a card. David: Read it. Jake: Sit on...

pig and cactus

" What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus? A porky pine!...

Dog Rules

1. The dog is not allowed in the house. 2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms. 3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture. 4. The dog can get on the old furniture only. 5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed. 6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation. 7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers. 8....

The Blonde at Western Union

A blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe." The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have that much money, and I must get a message to her, it's urgent! I'll do anything to get a message to her." The clerk replies "Anything?" "Yes... ANYTHING!" replies the blonde. He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him and unzip his pants." She does. "Take...

All Blue

"I think I have a problem, Doc," says a patient. "One of my balls has turned blue." The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes that the patient will die if he doesn't have his testicle removed. "Are you crazy?!" bursts the patient. "How could I let you do such a thing to me!" "You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, at which point the patient has to agree to have his testicle removed. Two weeks after the operation, the patient comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to say...

Life of a Senior Citizen

I'm the life of the party...even when it lasts till 8 p.m. I'm very good at opening child-proof caps with a hammer. I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going. I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano, & antacid. I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you are saying. I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine. I'm so cared...

politicians

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn. The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer told him he had buried them. The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?" The old...