funny quotes, just fun

Grandparents quotes

No cowboy was ever faster on the draw than a grandparent pulling a baby picture out of a wallet. -- Anonymous The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. -- Sam Levenson No cowboy was ever faster on the draw than a grandparent pulling a baby picture out of a wallet. Anonymous The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. Sam...

Fatherhood quotes

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap on-a-rope. Bill...

Father Quotes

My father told me never to darken his door again. It was no big deal, I just painted his door the wrong color. Jim...

Family Guy Quotes

I felt guilty once, but she woke up half way through. Glen Quagmire The deep south? Isn't that the place where the black guys are really lazy and all the white guys are just as lazy but they're mad at the black guys for being so lazy? Peter Griffin Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they've been that way ever since they came over to this country from France. Peter Griffin Damn the toilet! It's made slaves of you all! It just sits there consuming other people's feces while...

Family quotes

When my Husband comes home, if the kids are still alive, I figure I've done my job. Roseanne Barr I come from family where gravy is considered a beverage. Erma Bombeck I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant' Dean Martin I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom. Bob Hope Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy the mother. Claudette...

Divorce Quotes

It wasn't until I got divorced that I understood the value of money. Melanie B I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me. Elayne Boosler Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. Robin...

Cat Quotes

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. Jimmy...

funny baby quotes

My Dad knew I was going to be a comedian. When I was a baby he said, 'Is this a joke?' Ken Dodd "Delivery" is the wrong word to describe the childbearing process. Delivery is: "Here's your pizza. Takes 30 minutes or less." "Exorcism," I think, is more apt: "Please! Get the hell out of my body!" Jeff Stilson I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food. Robert Orben Did you ever notice that a new baby always seem to bear a striking...