funny quotes, just fun

Gossip quotes

The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. Dave...

Germans Quotes

You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does. P. J. ORourke (Holidays in hell,...

Gambling Quotes

I backed a horse today at 20:1. It came in at twenty past four. Tommy Cooper One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him. Jeffrey Bernard I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind. Steve...

Gary Coleman Quotes

Scientists say because of global warming they expect the world's oceans to rise four and a half feet. The scientists say this can mean only one thing - Gary Coleman is going to drown. Conan...

Drug Quotes

Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95. Chris...

Drinking Quotes

I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop. Noel Coward Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. Dave Barry I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. W.C. Fields I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry. Robert Benchley The difference between a drunk and a alcoholic...

Drink quotes

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth. George Burns I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started. Brendan Behan I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. Robert Downey Junior I envy people who drink at least they know what to blame everything on. Oscar Levant I was in for 10 hours and had 40 pints - beating my previous record by 20...

Fat Quotes

John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike Sam Kinison Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I'm sitting on top of you, who's going to argue? Jo...

Exam Quotes

I became a coal minor. I managed to get through the mining exams. They're, eh, not very rigorous. They only ask you one question, 'Who are you?' and I got seventy-five percent on that. Peter...

Enemies quotes

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. Oscar Wilde You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your tricks of war. Napoleon Bonaparte Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. The best weapon against an enemy is another enemy. Friedrich Nietzsche If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. John...