funny quotes, just fun

Guns Quotes

They say that guns dont kill people, people kill people. Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I dont think youd kill too many people. Eddie...

Gun Quotes

Dick Cheney says he loves California - out here the rich and famous can shoot people and get away with it. Jay Leno The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears. Chris Addison A law banning the sale of assault weapons has expired, which means it's now legal to buy Uzis and AK 47s. The NRA said that now its owners can protect their families from up to 200 burglars at once. Conan...

Golf Quotes

Some Have Psychologists, Some Have Sportologists — I Smoke Angel Cabrera For most amateurs, the best wood in the bag...the pencil! Chi Chi Rodriguez Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Jim Murray Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it. Ted Ray My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. Ed Furgol Hockey is a sport for white men....

Football Gaffes quotes

Alan Brazil: "I was sad to hear yesterday about the death of Inspector Morse, TV’s John Shaw." TalkSport Co-Host: "John Thaw, Alan." Alan Brazil: "Do you know, I’ve been doing that all morning. John, if you’re listening, sorry mate." Alan Brazil I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country. Ian Rush On another night, they'd have won 2-2. Ron Atkinson (Ron commenting on a Valencia-Liverpool Match) The midfield is outnumbered numerically. Ron...

Football Quotes

Arsenal caress a football the way I dreamed of caressing Marilyn Monroe. Brian Clough Elton John decided he wanted to rename Watford and call it Queen of the South. Tommy Docherty [after Cantona attacked a fan mid 90's] Wasn't it good to see Eric Cantona back in action? Let's hope that this time he remembers that kicking people in the teeth is the Tory government's job. Tony Blair I'm enjoying every day. I've tried everything: duck's head, chicken's head, chicken's feet and bats and...

Driving Quotes

The worst drivers are women in people carriers, men in white vans and anyone in a baseball cap. That's just about everyone. Paul O'Grady It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner. Ben Bergor Congratulations to Billy Joel, married over the weekend. His wife is 23 years old. I heard he had his wife screaming on the wedding night. It’s not what you think, she was a passenger in the car when he was...

Exercise Quotes

The only exercise I get is walking behind the coffins of friends who took exercise. Peter OToole I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins I exercise every morning without fail. One eyelid goes up and the other follows. Pete Postlethwaite Whenever I feel like exercising, I lie down until the feeling passes. Robert Maynard Hutchins I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend...

Dancing quotes

Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music. George Bernard...

fotball – dangerous strike

So i have a foot you have a head... and there is a ball between...

Boxing quotes

My main objective is to be professional but to kill him. Mike Tyson (on Fighting Lennox Lewis,...