funny quotes, just fun

top facebook status

The Facebook Status Top 25 1. ” (: p??? ?? o? ?u?uun? s poolq ?? ?o ll?” – if you can’t read this it may be due to your browser, it says “all of the blood is running to my head” upside down 2. “is wondering…. if money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?” 3. “ is CELEBRATING CAPS LOCK AWARENESS DAY 4. “is just two away from a threesome” 5. “is proud. …just finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years” 6....

funny insurance claims 4

"A house hit my car." (A house was being moved by a large truck. My friend had his car parked on the side of the road correctly. The house began to tilt off the truck and eventually fell off the truck, landing on my friend's car. He eventually had the insurance paid, after lengthy explanation and the moving company confirming the story.) (Thanks Ben Keirnan) "When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car." "The accident happened when the...

funny insurance claims 3

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole." "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face" "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car" "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang upobscuring my vision and I did not see the other car." "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way" "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way...

funny insurance claims 2

"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control." The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo. "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke." "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight" "I started to turn and it was at this...

funny insurance claims

"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought." "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket." "Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.." (Thanks N Bradley) "The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."...

cactus and girlfriend

Jake: Sir, this cactus was sent by your girlfriend just now. David: We quarreled with each other yesterday. Maybe she wants to say sorry to me. Jake: Here is a card. David: Read it. Jake: Sit on...

pig and cactus

" What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus? A porky pine!...

Dog Rules

1. The dog is not allowed in the house. 2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms. 3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture. 4. The dog can get on the old furniture only. 5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed. 6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation. 7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers. 8....

The Blonde at Western Union

A blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe." The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have that much money, and I must get a message to her, it's urgent! I'll do anything to get a message to her." The clerk replies "Anything?" "Yes... ANYTHING!" replies the blonde. He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him and unzip his pants." She does. "Take...

All Blue

"I think I have a problem, Doc," says a patient. "One of my balls has turned blue." The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes that the patient will die if he doesn't have his testicle removed. "Are you crazy?!" bursts the patient. "How could I let you do such a thing to me!" "You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, at which point the patient has to agree to have his testicle removed. Two weeks after the operation, the patient comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to say...